Things I've Noticed About Being Chubby

So, as I've mentioned here before, I've gained a fair amount of weight over the last couple of years. It's been a slow, gradual process but now I'm officially a chubby guy. As I have finally come to accept this sad truth, there are a few things I have noticed:

Tying my shoes is a lot harder than it should be. It's a simple task, one that any person ought to be able to accomplish without huffing and puffing. However, every morning brings a round of grunting, bending over, and general discomfort as I pull on my shoes and tie them. Not cool.

When I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror, I look like a big loaf of raw bread dough. I was never tan but I at least used to look like an unbaked bread stick rather than a whole loaf of Wonder.

Shirts refuse to stay tucked. I think it's because I no longer have a waist to speak of. I am constantly doing my best impression of Chris Farley's Matt Foley (the "living in a van down by the river" guy), tucking my shirt in as I walk, talk, etc.



I look older. The weight probably adds five years to my face. (Of course, I am older and continue to become so. Turned 36 the other day. Eeesh.)

It makes me eat more. I kind of figure, "Ehhh, why not?"

I am well on my way to being jolly. I am available for rent over the holidays as the most over educated Santa you've ever met.