Two Kinds of People

Dr. Leo Marvin: Are you married?

Bob Wiley: I'm divorced.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Would you like to talk about that?

Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

I never really liked the movie What About Bob? but I always thought that line was pretty funny. I find it absurd and kind of hilarious to break the world down into two kinds of people.

I was thinking about it the other night while driving home. Suzy's trusty Chapstick was in the little compartment between the cup holders as it always is, and it occurred to me that I really don't like Chapstick or lip balm of any sort. They feel waxy and gross, and I don't enjoy being covered in that any more than I would like being coated in a thin layer royal frosting. It just feels weird. Suzy, on the other hand, utterly relies on it. She has a Chapstick or Carmex in every room of the house and both cars.

So, it occurred to me that there are two types of people in this world: Those who like Chapstick, and those who don't.

There are also those who like the windows down and those who don't.

Those who believe in dipping their fries in the Frosty at Wendy's and those who don't.

Those who can agree that monster trucks are kind of stupid and those who cannot.

Those who devour the crawdads, head and all, and those who will not.

Those who think updating their Facebook status multiple times a day is awesome and those who do not.

Those who still use the expression "Oh snap!" and those who do not.

Those who wore overalls in the late 80s/early 90s and those who gratefully did not.

Those who eat to live and those who live to eat.

Those whose middle name is Danger and those whose is not. (Is that right?)

Those who can agree that Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth and those who cannot.

Those who do that voodoo so well and those who do not.

Feel free to add your own.

2012

2011 kind of sucked. Really, it was a year full of sadness, frustration, disappointment, and bad times. It wasn't ALL bad, of course. There are many happy moments and successes I can think of. But, on the whole, the year tasted like a moldy lame-strami sandwich deep-fried in hot garbage oil and dipped in stupid sauce. Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic but not by much. I'm glad 2011 is over and can only hope that 2012 brings better things.

Having said all that, I still need to make my Best Of list for the year. Best Of lists are kind of a crazy thing that seem to have become a cultural force in the world. If you look at Entertainment Weekly this week, it's nothing but Best of Books, TV, Movies, etc. Like we all need to be told what to see, read, listen to, etc. Mine isn't some comprehensive list of things you must go out and buy right now! It's just a few things that I really enjoyed this year - whether they actually came out this year or not.

Books


The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall and Death of a Disco Dancer by David Clark. TLP is a sprawling novel that tells the tale of Golden Richards, a polygamist with more wives and children and worries than he knows how to handle. After a certain point, I wanted Golden to liven up a little and stop being such a wuss. He's immobilized by uncertainty for 95% of the book and nobody likes a protagonist who doesn't do anything. However, the other characters in the book are so compelling and interesting and funny, Golden can be overlooked. Rusty, the angry, angsty son of wife #2, is far and away the funniest, sweetest, and saddest part of the book. He alone was worth the price of admission.



DoaDD is a Mormon novel (by/for/about mainstream Mormons whereas TLP is by an ethnic Mormon about a splinter offshoot of Mormonism) published by Zarahemla Books. It follows 11 year-old Todd Whitman as he comes of age in Mesa, Arizona in the early 1980s. The book deals with the loss of two different loved ones - one to dementia and one to cancer - so in that sense, it hit close to home. But it's more funny and sweet than sad, and I appreciated that. The worrying about girls and your hair while tormenting your younger siblings was perfect. The dorky friends, the harmless-yet-dangerous ways of having fun as a Deacon - it was all very familiar. The book seems to work a little too hard to evoke the 80s at times by dumping reference after reference at you sometimes, and the climax isn't the big bang you hope for. But it's still fun to read and uplifting in its way. Worth taking a look for sure.

Music
Imelda May's retro-rockabilly vibe made me happy this year as did the 1963 classic A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector. I'm not normally into Christmas music but I could listen to Darlene Love, The Ronettes, and the Crystals all season long and then some. Also, I discovered and enjoyed Colin Hay's acoustic solo career this year and loved his version of "Overkill." Also, I have listened to "I Can't Remember" by The Thorns over and over this year. I'm a Matthew Sweet fan from way back and have appreciated his different efforts over the years. Back in 2002, he teamed with Shawn Mullins (that guy who sang "Lullabye" in 1998) and indie musician Pete Droge. They did one album, one tour, and, to my knowledge, had one single - "I Can't Remember." I found it on itunes a few months ago and haven't stopped listening to it since. The three-part harmonies are beautiful and the song is kind of sad. What more can you ask from three minutes and thirty one seconds?



Movies
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol is pretty awesome. Brad Bird has directed three of the greatest animated movies ever made - The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and Ratatouie - and with MI:GP, he stepped into live action. The set pieces were spectacular in the most literal sense, the banter was witty, and there was a prison-break scene set to Dean Martin's "Ain't That a Kick in the Head." Again, what more can we ask?
The final Harry Potter was equally exciting and moving. We've been watching these characters for a decade now. How can I not care about what happens to them? David Yates, the director of the final four HP films did some really impressive things visually, thematically, and dramatically. He's a talented guy who came basically out of nowhere to bring cohesion and emotion to what could have been just a giant special effects pageant.

Comics
Nothing has really thrilled me this year. There were a few things I enjoyed - a sci-fi time travel miniseries with teriffic art called The Red Wing, the anthology miniseries Rocketeer Adventures, and, of course, the Atomic Robo trade paperback called Two-Fisted Robot Tales. But overall, it was a quiet year for me comic book-wise. The movies Thor and Captain America were more enjoyable than most actual comics. Maybe 2012 will bring something worth getting excited about.



Personal
Our vacation to Grand Haven, Michigan was a real highlight. Just spending time on the water, enjoying perfect weather, going letterboxing, going for walks, etc. It was utterly idyllic and I loved it.
Visiting my brothers at the beginning of December. It was a quick visit and all-too-short but wonderful. We sat around, made jokes, watched episode after episode of Prison Break, ate chocodiles, and just had a blast. I loved it.
Being with my family. The older I get, the more I enjoy just doing small stuff with Suzy and the girls. They are my favorite people.

I have some goals and hopes for this new year, but I'm going to keep them to myself for now. I've found that talking about my goals somehow saps my power/desire to meet them. Kills some of the magic, you know?

Anyway, I hope the coming year is a good one for you, full of the things you need to be happy and healthy. I will see you back here a little more regularly this year than last, I hope.

Stooge

Normally, I'm a little leery when Hollywood decides to make a movie version of almost anything - a book, tv show, action figures, etc. (A movie version of Dark Shadows! A movie version of every comic book ever made!) And I'm especially suspicious of stunts. Pirates of the Caribbean was a stunt - a movie based on a Disneyland ride? Did you know they're making a movie version of the board game Battleship? Yep, they are.

So naturally, when I hear they've made a movie version of The Three Stooges, I'm not impressed. Nevertheless, I'm posting the trailer here. Why? Because, if nothing else, the last four or five seconds of it are pure wish fulfillment for me and I love it. Enjoy.

Notes to Self

The soup at Subway is gross. Every time. Don't buy it again unless you're in the mood for glue.

When it's March and still snowing, remember how much you looked forward to the first snow in December.

You cannot save every student. If they stop coming to class or don't hand in assignments, there's very little you can do. Allow them the learning experience of failure.

Watch the two year-old. She's a crafty ninja and can be very quiet when digging through the litter box or finger painting with the cat's water dish.

Facebook is a monumental time suck. Some people use it for useful, productive things. You aren't one of those people. Just log off and forget about it.

Brothers

So it was a quick trip but fun as heck and well worth the travel. Highlights include:

Big Jud's - of course.

Real Steel - Giant! Robot! Boxing! Plus a touching story about fathers and sons.

Melanie's Brothers' Reunion Spread - homemade soup, jerky, Chocodiles, diet Pepsi, a bowl of cookie dough, (that's right, a bowl of cookie dough just for us to eat), etc.

Prison Break - thanks a lot, Dave. Now I have to go find it on DVD because I have to know what happens next.

My charming nieces and nephews - each one sweet and fun and funny. I only got kicked in the nose once which is pretty good considering how much uncle-torment I dished out over the course of two days. Kyle tagged me pretty good on accident. Blake pulverized my sternum - not on accident. Not at all.

My lovely sisters-in-law - such good women.

My brothers - the best of men.

I loved it.