Tying my shoes is a lot harder than it should be. It's a simple task, one that any person ought to be able to accomplish without huffing and puffing. However, every morning brings a round of grunting, bending over, and general discomfort as I pull on my shoes and tie them. Not cool.
When I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror, I look like a big loaf of raw bread dough. I was never tan but I at least used to look like an unbaked bread stick rather than a whole loaf of Wonder.
Shirts refuse to stay tucked. I think it's because I no longer have a waist to speak of. I am constantly doing my best impression of Chris Farley's Matt Foley (the "living in a van down by the river" guy), tucking my shirt in as I walk, talk, etc.
I look older. The weight probably adds five years to my face. (Of course, I am older and continue to become so. Turned 36 the other day. Eeesh.)
It makes me eat more. I kind of figure, "Ehhh, why not?"
I am well on my way to being jolly. I am available for rent over the holidays as the most over educated Santa you've ever met.
5 comments:
LOL, Mark Brown ! Somedays your blog just makes me LOL ! You have a cracker jack sense of humor that shines through sometimes and you rival Dave Barry for making me laugh at the written word !
This and the post about sending the girls back to school ... Ha ! Ha !
Little professor! I had a little Professor. Thanks for bringing back memories!
Funny. I don't know if I will ever be able make bread again without thinking of this post. Thanks for that....
Who wants a breadstick when you can have the whole loaf!! HA HA! You crack me up!
ROFL Suzy!!
I'm with Shalee...my bread dough will forever be named "Mark".
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