One Small Thing That Does Not Make Me Happy

Gentlemen Broncos.



Ever heard of it? Probably not. You may be surprised to find out that it actually had a theatrical release and that it was directed by Jared Hess, director of Napoleon Dynamite.

Now, there are films that aren't widely seen because they don't appeal to everyone. (Nacho Libre was not to everyone's liking, for example.) Some films disappear quickly simply because they're too niche and never get the widespread acclaim they deserve. (Richard Dutcher's States of Grace disappeared from some theaters after two days.) But some movies remain unseen simply because they're awful. Downright, unabashed, unapologetically bad.

This, my friends, describes Gentlemen Broncos. It's positively craptacular.

The story is about an awkward high schooler who writes science fiction novels. He takes one to a writers' conference where he meets a big time SF writer who ends up plagiarizing his book.

Not a bad idea, right? Certainly, there's potential for something of interest there.

But no.

Instead, Jared and his screenwriter wife, Jerusha, amped up the awkward, sealed-off, inexpressiveness that worked in Napoleon and made appearances in Nacho Libre and made a film so utterly divorced from reality that there's nothing funny or even interesting about it. It's like it doesn't even take place in the same universe. Of course, movies are heightened/altered reality but there's got to be something human, something universal for that reality to be somehow applicable to its viewers.

But no.

There isn't a single character that even remotely resembles a real person or a funny facsimile thereof.

Why did I see it? Because it was on the 5 dollar rack at Wal-Mart and I thought to myself, "Hey, an unappreciated gem!" Oh, how wrong I was. Jared Hess should send me a check for ten bucks. Five to replace what I wasted on this piece of garbage and five more for emotional damages. No thanks, Jared and Jerusha Hess, no thanks.