And this is one of those times.
Yesterday, while in a committee meeting, I noticed I had a voicemail waiting. Our campus is equal parts M.C. Escher funhouse and Cold War bomb shelter with lots of weird stairways and reinforced concrete walls. So it's not unusual for me to miss calls or texts while moving from place to place only to have them turn long after they've been left. So, once the meeting ended, I slipped out to a side parking lot by the mailroom to ensure good reception and checked the message. As I thought it might be, it was from Wendy of Delta College's HR department. The message simply said that she was responding to my email from earlier in the week and that I should give her a call back. (I'd emailed last Monday, supposedly asking about my mileage reimbursement but actually hoping for news about the hiring committee's decision.)
I could tell just from her voice on the message that this was not a woman about to give good news.
I called her back, and after a moment or two of chatter about the mileage reimbursement, she simply said, "The committee decided to recommend a different candidate for the position." I thanked her and she gave the typical HR patter for a situation like this: "So nice to meet you, good luck, etc." And we hung up.
So, after six long months of hoping, planning, dreaming, trying not to let our hopes get too high, and failing at not letting our hopes get to high, that particular possible future is no longer an option. It's not the only job I'll ever interview for and maybe not even the last time I'll apply at Delta. But for now, we are just...here. I still have a pretty good job. We still have a nice, comfortable house. We're going to be fine, of course. It just kind of sucks that this thing that we thought was so perfect, so right in every way, is just not for us right now.
Suzy, who often is very wise and calm in situations like this, rightly pointed out that with the end of my PhD finally in sight, moving and starting a new job probably would have been a monumental distraction. Perhaps we're here for another year because I need to finally finish that particular life goal and be ready to move on in the future, unencumbered by an unfinished degree. That makes sense to me.
I'm a person who is given to deep, long term bitterness over what I perceive to be wrongs. In high school, I really only had one topic of conversation: the great unfairness of Sunni Sorenson. In college, it was the profound betrayal of Antonia Decker. When I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick, it consumes me. I can hold a grudge like I've got it slung to my chest like a baby in a Snugli. So it surprises me that I'm not a lot more upset about this turn of events. Maybe it hasn't struck me yet. Maybe our Saturday excursion to the wilds of Norway, IL to have lunch and an Easter egg hunt with some friends from the ward distracted me. Maybe tomorrow when I go to church and serve in two of my three callings ( I got a third a couple weeks ago - so now I'm a nursery worker, Sunday school teacher to the teenagers, and the second Sunday Elders Quorum instructor), it will hit me and I'll think, "Oh yeah, that's right. I really, really, really wanted to get out of this podunk hellhole and into a real town, school, ward, and neighborhood."
But not tonight. Tonight, I'm willing to just say, "Meh. So it goes." I've got church in the morning, work on Monday, and a prospectus defense to prep for. I probably ought to spend my time on those things rather than on nurturing a big, healthy shoulder chip that will get me nowhere.
Thanks to everybody for your prayers, good wishes, and interest. I've appreciated hearing from you about this over the last few months.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Happy Spring
It is the first day of spring. It is so cold here today my hands actually began to ache and lose feeling in the four minutes it took me to walk from the car to the building. (I was carrying books that didn't fit in my bag, that's why I didn't put them in my pockets, smarty.)
So I share the above cartoon because laughter warms me up. And because it is how I feel about most of the world today. Primarily, it is how I feel about Delta College and their glacially slow hiring process. Suzy and I figured out that we have been on the hook with Delta for six months now - I applied sometime in early October. At this point, even a bad answer would be better than the cruddy limbo of no answer at all. Just let us move on with our lives, hiring committee! And then move out to the middle of the ocean and stay there.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Spring Break Day One
Quiet times here at the Brown household, and that's just how I like it.
Not much happened today. We slept in, ate breakfast, did some laundry and dishes, watched The Emperor's New Groove (more Parker than us), took the older two to music lessons, and came home to a tasty dinner of pork stir fry. As I write, Maryn and Avery are playing Wii downstairs and Parker is laughing at her Leap Pad game. Like I said, quiet. Moments like this are both rare and short-lived. In a bit, it's going to be bath and bed time. There will be yowls and whines about who's going first and arguments about the actual necessity of bathing. One daughter will bait the other about it being her turn to go first. The younger one will run like a wide receiver and hide like a deposed dictator in order to avoid being put in the bath. Yes, the quiet, everybody-gets-along times are treasure because, like treasure, they don't just drop into your lap.
I can't imagine what life is like for people with six, seven, eight or more kids. I grew up with four of us kids in the house. Suzy has five siblings, and I have a tough time wrapping my head around what that was like - for her and for her parents. It seems like there's so much noise, chaos, dashing about, and tension with just three kids, the idea of having more than that just boggles my mind. The cost, the time, the anxiety, the running around - madness. If you can do it, more power to you. I'm barely hanging in there with three.
There's been some non-committal talk about possibly painting over spring break. We'll see if that comes to pass. I'm sure you all know my feelings about painting and understand that I'd pretty much rather give myself an appendectomy with a fork than paint. My students did turn in an essay just before break began so I could spend my days grading them if I wanted to. Suzy and I may take a day trip to Bloomington or Peoria on Thursday just to get out of town. The girls have their regular stuff - school, music, girl scouts, church activities, etc. so it's not like we just have oodles of time to do nothing. We'll stay pretty busy, I'm sure, despite my best efforts to do otherwise.
I watched Stranger Than Fiction over the weekend and was struck by how underrated and under appreciated film it is. It's lovely in every way, and I like it very much.
Other things I like very much?
Office supplies. Seriously, that's one of my favorite aisles at the store. All the notebooks and pens and envelopes and big bags of rubber bands. I don't know why, but I really like them.
Things that are fresh - vegetables, chocolate chip cookies, bread. It just makes a world of difference when they're just out of the field, oven, etc.
Sleeping. I'm a night owl and I teach in the mornings so it isn't very often that I get a really good sleep. On those days that I actually get to sleep in, it's a heavenly kind of feeling.
Books about sheds. It's my dream to one day own a little shed in the backyard where I can go to read and write. I've written here before about my clubhouse obsession. Having my own shed is nowhere on the horizon, so I indulge myself with books about sheds instead.
The Harlem Shake.
Just kidding.
Not much happened today. We slept in, ate breakfast, did some laundry and dishes, watched The Emperor's New Groove (more Parker than us), took the older two to music lessons, and came home to a tasty dinner of pork stir fry. As I write, Maryn and Avery are playing Wii downstairs and Parker is laughing at her Leap Pad game. Like I said, quiet. Moments like this are both rare and short-lived. In a bit, it's going to be bath and bed time. There will be yowls and whines about who's going first and arguments about the actual necessity of bathing. One daughter will bait the other about it being her turn to go first. The younger one will run like a wide receiver and hide like a deposed dictator in order to avoid being put in the bath. Yes, the quiet, everybody-gets-along times are treasure because, like treasure, they don't just drop into your lap.
I can't imagine what life is like for people with six, seven, eight or more kids. I grew up with four of us kids in the house. Suzy has five siblings, and I have a tough time wrapping my head around what that was like - for her and for her parents. It seems like there's so much noise, chaos, dashing about, and tension with just three kids, the idea of having more than that just boggles my mind. The cost, the time, the anxiety, the running around - madness. If you can do it, more power to you. I'm barely hanging in there with three.
There's been some non-committal talk about possibly painting over spring break. We'll see if that comes to pass. I'm sure you all know my feelings about painting and understand that I'd pretty much rather give myself an appendectomy with a fork than paint. My students did turn in an essay just before break began so I could spend my days grading them if I wanted to. Suzy and I may take a day trip to Bloomington or Peoria on Thursday just to get out of town. The girls have their regular stuff - school, music, girl scouts, church activities, etc. so it's not like we just have oodles of time to do nothing. We'll stay pretty busy, I'm sure, despite my best efforts to do otherwise.
I watched Stranger Than Fiction over the weekend and was struck by how underrated and under appreciated film it is. It's lovely in every way, and I like it very much.
Other things I like very much?
Office supplies. Seriously, that's one of my favorite aisles at the store. All the notebooks and pens and envelopes and big bags of rubber bands. I don't know why, but I really like them.
Things that are fresh - vegetables, chocolate chip cookies, bread. It just makes a world of difference when they're just out of the field, oven, etc.
Sleeping. I'm a night owl and I teach in the mornings so it isn't very often that I get a really good sleep. On those days that I actually get to sleep in, it's a heavenly kind of feeling.
Books about sheds. It's my dream to one day own a little shed in the backyard where I can go to read and write. I've written here before about my clubhouse obsession. Having my own shed is nowhere on the horizon, so I indulge myself with books about sheds instead.
The Harlem Shake.
Just kidding.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Snow Day II - The Revenge of the Snow
The girls are on their second snow day in a row. Yesterday we got smacked with 6 or 8 inches and lots of wind. Today, the heat went out in the school building, so they are at home watching Gravity Falls, cleaning their rooms, and driving Suzy mad, no doubt.
Here at IVCC, they canceled classes after noon yesterday, so I got to go home and have a really peaceful afternoon with everyone. We made brownies, did a bunch of laundry, watched tv, and I graded a bunch of papers. (Seven to go but I'm writing right now, thank you very much!) Classes are back in session today, so no snow day for me. There was a foot high drift at the bottom of the driveway this morning that I had to chop away at in order to make it to work on time. I think I messed up my throat and lungs pretty good while frantically scooping away a knee-high drift. I have a nasty, hacking cough now that wasn't there before 8:30 this morning.
Several of you have asked if I've heard anything from Delta College. Yes and no. Yesterday, the phone rang and I saw the fateful 989 prefix. I actually got shaky and sweaty. I thought, "This is it!" But it wasn't it. Not at all. It was the HR lady calling back to answer a couple of questions I'd emailed her last week. No news yet. Sigh. At Delta, they generally only teach Monday through Thursday and then reserve Fridays for meetings. So I figure the committee will meet this Friday at the earliest, make their decision, and I probably won't hear anything until next week. At best. These guys weren't exactly greased lightning when it came to the application or phone interview process. I assume we'll find out one way or the other sometime in March, but I really have no idea when.
The other big news is that my PhD work is actually rolling forward for the first time in way too long. My prospectus committee chair likes my latest version (draft #8) and says it's ready to defend. This is momentous because I've been waiting for that news for basically two years. My chair is new - the old one, the scary woman from New Zealand, is gone - and this guy seems much more interested in moving me along than in keeping the gate, you know? I thought there was going to be a problem when my outside committee member bowed out. (I have three people from Wayne State on the committee and then I'm supposed to have one other person from another institution.) In the two years it's taken me to get this far, my former outside person got a job directing a graduate program at MIT. She's kind of busy these days to say the least. So for a day or two, I thought I was going to be sunk again. But lo and behold, again my chair comes to my rescue and approves a non-traditional suggestion of mine - a retired BYU theater professor named Eric Samuelson. I know Eric slightly through my membership in the Association for Mormon Letters. He was president for a couple of years, we met at one of the conferences, he's a Facebook friend, and I read his blog. (Mormon Iconoclast - the link is just to the right.) Anyway, Eric knows Mormon culture, history, aesthetics, and film. Plus, he's a really smart guy and a really nice guy. I asked him, he said yes, I have a full committee again. Yay. So, if all goes well, I could be pounding away at my dissertation by as early as this summer. If I can knock out a decent draft, maybe I'll be Doctor Brown sooner rather than later after all.
It is now 11:50. There is a Tupperware full of noodles and non-horsemeat meatballs waiting for me in the mini-fridge next to my office. If you need me, I will be over there stuffing my face.
Here at IVCC, they canceled classes after noon yesterday, so I got to go home and have a really peaceful afternoon with everyone. We made brownies, did a bunch of laundry, watched tv, and I graded a bunch of papers. (Seven to go but I'm writing right now, thank you very much!) Classes are back in session today, so no snow day for me. There was a foot high drift at the bottom of the driveway this morning that I had to chop away at in order to make it to work on time. I think I messed up my throat and lungs pretty good while frantically scooping away a knee-high drift. I have a nasty, hacking cough now that wasn't there before 8:30 this morning.
Several of you have asked if I've heard anything from Delta College. Yes and no. Yesterday, the phone rang and I saw the fateful 989 prefix. I actually got shaky and sweaty. I thought, "This is it!" But it wasn't it. Not at all. It was the HR lady calling back to answer a couple of questions I'd emailed her last week. No news yet. Sigh. At Delta, they generally only teach Monday through Thursday and then reserve Fridays for meetings. So I figure the committee will meet this Friday at the earliest, make their decision, and I probably won't hear anything until next week. At best. These guys weren't exactly greased lightning when it came to the application or phone interview process. I assume we'll find out one way or the other sometime in March, but I really have no idea when.
The other big news is that my PhD work is actually rolling forward for the first time in way too long. My prospectus committee chair likes my latest version (draft #8) and says it's ready to defend. This is momentous because I've been waiting for that news for basically two years. My chair is new - the old one, the scary woman from New Zealand, is gone - and this guy seems much more interested in moving me along than in keeping the gate, you know? I thought there was going to be a problem when my outside committee member bowed out. (I have three people from Wayne State on the committee and then I'm supposed to have one other person from another institution.) In the two years it's taken me to get this far, my former outside person got a job directing a graduate program at MIT. She's kind of busy these days to say the least. So for a day or two, I thought I was going to be sunk again. But lo and behold, again my chair comes to my rescue and approves a non-traditional suggestion of mine - a retired BYU theater professor named Eric Samuelson. I know Eric slightly through my membership in the Association for Mormon Letters. He was president for a couple of years, we met at one of the conferences, he's a Facebook friend, and I read his blog. (Mormon Iconoclast - the link is just to the right.) Anyway, Eric knows Mormon culture, history, aesthetics, and film. Plus, he's a really smart guy and a really nice guy. I asked him, he said yes, I have a full committee again. Yay. So, if all goes well, I could be pounding away at my dissertation by as early as this summer. If I can knock out a decent draft, maybe I'll be Doctor Brown sooner rather than later after all.
It is now 11:50. There is a Tupperware full of noodles and non-horsemeat meatballs waiting for me in the mini-fridge next to my office. If you need me, I will be over there stuffing my face.
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