Friday, December 21, 2007

Blog The Halls With Boughs of Folly


I handed in the second of my two final papers yesterday: "Are You In Or Are You Out: Clubhouses and Belonging in Mormonism and Brigham City." The day before that I sent off "Some Notes on Mormon Autuerism in 2007." Hot stuff, I tell you. Actually, there's a small chunk of both papers that was recycled from something I wrote last semester but, hey, other than that they're both pretty original.

As I write this, my students are all downstairs participating in our annual Kwanzaa celebration. I wriggled out of it last year and I hope to do the same this year. It just seems ludicrous for me, the whitest man on the planet, to take part in a celebration created by and for people of African heritage. I'm happy to attend any other celebration we have here at the school but Kwanzaa just makes me feel stupid. So instead I am answering the phones and monitoring a potential student who is taking his entrance exam.

Christmas shopping: done
Present wrapping: done
Papers for school: done
Maryn's birthday: done
9 year anniversary: we're going out tomorrow to celebrate

All in all, I am prepared to have a long, luxurious, responsibility-free vacation. I'm not due back here until January 2 and classes at Wayne don't start until after that. (When exactly, I'm not sure. Guess I should find that out.)

Over the break I want to do a few things:

I'd like to translate a page a day of Harry Potter y la piedra filosofal. I need to get serious about being able to pass the translation test when it comes around. Regular practice ought to help.

I'd like to carve a few new linoleum blocks. Just for fun. Because I like it and because I miss doing artistic things sometimes.

I'd like to take the girls to the Detroit Institute of the Arts. It's the 5th largest art museum in the country and just recently finished a multi-million dollar, several-years-in-the-making renovation and I'm excited to see it. The girls and I have gone there in the past and they loved it.

I'd like to go on a Christmas day drive with the ladies in the afternoon. We did it last year and it was really nice.

I'd like to go see Beowulf in IMAX 3-D with my brother-in-law, Ben. I mean, it's swords and dragons and monsters in IMAX 3-D. What more do you need?

I'd like to read some non-school related stuff. I read the first chapter of The Thirteenth Tale, a book my mother-in-law, Linda, lent (?) me last night and it seems interesting. I also have a copy of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell sitting on my shelf that I'm itching to take a crack at. It's big -- seven or eight hundred pages -- so we'll see what actually happens.

I'd like to blog every day -- you know, blogging Christmas -- but that won't happen. We don't have the Internet at home and so this blog probably won't be updated until after the New Year. Kinda lame, I know, but I figure if I've got better things to do than write it, you have better things to do than read it.

Anyway, I think I hear the celebration winding down so maybe I'll be out of here sooner than I thought. Yay for me.

Happy holidays everyone.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

How I Spent My Sunday Morning

Nothing says Sabbath worship like nearly snapping my spine in two while shoveling ten inches of snow off my driveway. Happily, Suzanne and the girls helped. (Okay, Suzanne helped. The girls did exactly what little girls are supposed to do after the first big snow of the year and proceeded to get freezing cold and soaking wet while not listening to anything I said.)


The impressive overhang that accumulated above our front porch. Spoilsport that I am, I dragged it down with a rake. It's not as fun as waiting for it to collapse at just the wrong moment but, hey, who ever said I was fun?


Self-portrait.


In case you couldn't tell already, I'm deeply in love with late afternoon winter light.


The wonderful upside to the little winter onslaught was that Monday was a snow day for me and the girls. Poor Suzanne was not so fortunate. She may make the big bucks but, by golly, they're gonna make her come in every. single. day. Since I get paid next to nothing, when it snows my bosses just figure, "Ehh, what's the difference? Let's just look under the couch cushions and we'll find enough for his next paycheck."

Friday, December 14, 2007

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Guest Post: Maryn's Birth

This is Suzanne's account of the day Maryn was born. Even though I come across as kind of an idiot in this version, it still sums up the day pretty well.

"I actually found myself giggling a little as I fell asleep last night thinking about what a day I had on December 14, 2000, the day that literally changed my life for good. I had gotten up for work…it was around 6:30 am. I remember rushing to the bathroom because it didn’t feel like I was going to make it in time and I didn’t. I thought I had wet my pants, but it was actually my water breaking. I remember sitting there (sorry, gross image) and the trickle not stopping. Hmmm…that’s strange. It’s still really early, I thought. I’m not due for another month practically. (Jan. 8 was my due date and it was Dec. 14th.) I told Mark about it and he mumbled something and rolled back over. I got in the shower. The trickle became a little stronger…with every movement. After I got out of the shower, I called my doctor. He said to go the hospital, that if it was my water breaking we’d have a baby by the end of the day and if not we’d go back home. I told Mark to get ready—grab my hospital bag and put the carseat in the car. He reluctantly agreed. He did not believe we’d have a baby by the end of the day, it was way too early. But I knew it was time…the contractions had started by this time and I was IN labor. We drove the 5 minutes to St. Luke’s and I checked in. It was thrilling, scary and intense all at the same time. I was pretty calm despite the fact that I knew that we were going to have a premature baby. I guess I didn’t understand what all of it would mean. After we got into the triage, the nurse checked to see if my water had broke and what had started as a slow leak was now in fact a waterfall. She basically finished the job and we were ready to go. Mark was in shock…he was both excited and a little overwhelmed at what we were embarking upon. We got a huge birthing room complete with a Jacuzzi, TV, birthing ball, etc. I tried out the Jacuzzi right away. It was nice and relaxing. I spent the next couple hours in and out of the tub. After that, I felt what it really meant to be in labor and breathed my way through another couple hours before I could get my epidural. Sweet epidural. After that I was happy as a clam. I laid in my bed, chatting with my nurse who was from Michigan, and Mark went off to eat lunch. When he got back I remember it was time to start pushing and he smelled like chocolate. I didn’t like him much at that moment. I hadn’t eaten since the night before and it was now around 2:30 pm. I pushed for 3 hours and nothing was happening. Finally the nurse figured it out and with a little adjusting and a vacuum suction cup placed on the baby’s head, out popped our little 5 lb. 12 ounce baby girl!! She started screaming bloody murder instantly and I remember seeing her beautiful rosebud lips curl into a sneer that made my heart sing and melt all at the same time. Even after they placed her on my chest, she screamed. It wasn’t until Mark started talking to her that she calmed down. She recognized his voice and quieted down for a moment and then continued on into her tirade. They cleaned her off, weighed her, and warmed her up. She was a preemie (born at 36 ½ weeks) and very small, but her apgar scores were great. She had strong lungs and good color. They let us keep her and she didn’t need to be whisked away to the NICU. I took a little time being stitched up (had to go back for surgery 3 mos. later anyway), and Mark got to talk some more with Maryn Elizabeth, now only a few minutes old. I held her as they wheeled us up to the recovery floor. We had a corner room and I remember not wanting to ever leave. The three of us there in that tiny little room felt like the most right thing I had ever done in my life. I had a baby by the end of that day, and began a life that I would never trade in a million years.

And as the years have past I have watched Maryn grow. She has always been such a cutie! She is curious and smart. She is affectionate and sensitive. She is social--friendly and warm. She is creative and constantly has marker-stained fingers from all her coloring and drawing. She has the funniest sense of humor and really gets a kick out of making us laugh (ask us about her "tooth" book sometime). She has always been a great big sister…from the time she wasn’t even two and we brought Avery home. She’s been a helper and a strong force for good in our family. She is learning so much this year and I am constantly surprised at how articulate and kind she is becoming. She is a sweetheart and I am thrilled to be celebrating #7 with her this year."

Seven Years Ago Today . . .

This little monkey was born. She was tiny, extremely loud, and yellow but still one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I am extremely grateful for my first-born daughter, Maryn.



Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Lunchtime Snapshots








Hold Your Breath, Count To Ten, Don't Completely Freak

It's Wednesday. The first three days of this week have been radioactive-hot with tension, fights, disappointments, and explosions. This new group of students I'm working with is not just rough around the edges -- it's all edges.

Actually, there's a core of good students underneath it all but the outer layer of thugs and (yes) idiots is obscuring those good ones. It's really frustrating to have to tell the same students the same things over and over and over again. Please stop yelling. Don't use those words. We're not talking about that right now. Please do your work. Shut up before I have to bodily throw your obnoxious, foul-mouthed, just-here-to-get-your-grandma-off-your-back self out of this second floor window.

You know, the usual teacher basics.

Anyway, the real source of my frustration today is my boss. Both bosses actually. It's one thing to have to struggle with the students when you have wise, competent employers who are attentive to the needs of the organization, who set a good example for others to follow, who demonstrate a grasp of what's required to do the work. But when you have to struggle with willfully, forcefully, aggressively ignorant students and have to contend with bosses who aren't here half the time, who do a poor job when they are here, and who constantly contradict themselves, each other, and the rest of the staff, it feels a little like you're on a small boat in big water and there's no dry land around for miles.

Sigh.

So that's where I am -- small boat, no dry land. I don't want to complain because just having a job in Detroit is a blessing. A job with benefits and a fair amount of flexibility is even more so. There are a lot of good things about working here. It's just that today, the students and the bosses aren't among those good things.

The thing I have to keep telling myself is that this job is not forever. I will not be here forever. This is not the best or last teaching job I will ever have. It will be fine. It will be fine. It will be fine.

For now I'm just going to sit here quietly and meditate and think of happier things.

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Golden Compass and Richard Dutcher: Some Thoughts

There has been hubbub around the release of The Golden Compass, the first film in a projected trilogy based on the His Dark Materials books by Philip Pullman. It seems Mr. Pullman is an avowed atheist and his books, reportedly, are an allegory about discovering that religion and God are essentially hoaxes. I haven't read the books so I can't really say one way or the other. I've read some pretty convincing arguments on both sides -- some saying the books encourage independent thought, curiosity, wonder, kindness, patience, etc. and others saying that a book by an atheist simply can't be faith affirming. All the talk has piqued my curiosity and the trailer of the film looks like a million bucks. Reviews generally have been mixed-to-poor. The best review tagline I've read so far said, "Compass Disappoints Fans and Censors," meaning it was neither here nor there enough to satisfy anyone.

Anyway, because the people on the Association for Mormon Letters discussion board are people who are interested in religion and books and movies, it's sparked some discussion there as well. Recently, I posted some quotes from Philip Pullman that I thought were interesting and another writer, Thom Duncan who is a playwright, responded and brought up Richard Dutcher, the director of God's Army, Brigham City, and States of Grace. The following is some of what was written:

"There's an brief, interesting article on Time magazine's online version today about Philip Pullman. Here are a couple of excerpts:

'I suppose if you are interested in religious questions, that makes you religious," Pullman muses. 'I am. What I am not is a believer in the sorts of gods that seem to be on offer from the various major religions.'

Pullman sees himself as championing the universal human values of love and tolerance and curiosity, many of which are of course also embraced by Christianity, though not always, he argues, by Christian writers.
...
Atheism has had a best-selling moment of late with the success of books by Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, and Pullman runs the grave and improbable risk of becoming not just mainstream but fashionable. But he isn't a creature of fashion any more than he's a creature of Satan. 'I'm a great admirer of both men,' he says, 'but I wouldn't want to be part of any movement that had an agenda. I'm not arguing a case. I'm not preaching a sermon. I'm not giving a lecture. I'm telling a story. Any position I take is that of a storyteller who says, Once upon a time, this happened.'"
....

Thom Duncan: "'I'm telling a story. Any position I take is that of a storyteller who says, Once upon a time, this happened.'

Richard Dutcher should memorize Pullman's comment. In fact, I think he may have said something similar at one time or another.

Despite the clarity of this position, some LDS continue to be bothered by such superflous things as Dutcher's missionaries flouting the rules. Poetic license is someting that some people don't seem willing to grant to Mormon Artists. I wish I knew why. Current scholarship shows us that not all the history in the Bible is accurate, there are questions about the time line, and the literary allusions abound, and the official understanding of the Book of Mormons geography has changed in recent decades from a pan-American Nephite civilization to a localized group of people in Mezo-America. Yet none of that affects our appreciation, undestanding, and belief of the sriptures as valid moral guides. Why do we then, become so exercised when an LDS artist uses similar techniques to tell his/her story."

My response: "Good questions. Thom. I think a lot of it has to do with what I think of as the Paul H. Dunn Effect. We come from such an odd, obscure, unlikely history (boy sees God, gets plates made of gold, translates new scripture, men have dozens of wives, etc.) that I think Mormons as a people have long been hungry for mainstream acceptance and have long shunned anything that makes us seem shaky, shifty, weird, or less than firmly established as 100% true all the time.

I think the whole Paul H. Dunn thing had a lot to do with why The Friend will only accept stories 'based on actual events.' He wounded the institution's public persona of always telling the truth all the time, of always being factual despite the unlikelihood of the claim.

As members of the church we are taught early on that everything we do, say, and think is an extension of/representation of our membership in the church. We're taught to always set the best example because we never know who is watching. We are encouraged to avoid the appearance of evil, etc.

This combines with the fact that the church has always produced paintings, theater, literature, and film but has never produced art for art's sake. Many of the images, sounds, and stories members are exposed to early on are didactic in nature. I think this creates a powerful feeling in most mainstream members that tells them that any artistic creation they may make or consume should not only represent but actively promote the values, teaching, and doctrine of the church.

In other words, I think the whole 'I'm a member of the church first and a (fill in the blank with artist, writer, painter, plumber, etc.) second' is why many LDS people can't get past a Mormon artist who creates things that don't fit into the comfortable, easy to define world of didacticism. For many, you can't be just a storyteller if you're Mormon. You will always be a Mormon who tells stories and, as such, you have a responsibility to tell stories and tell them in a way that are in keeping with the greater knowledge and light that you have.

I think the problem comes in when an artist makes something that he/she feels is completely in keeping with that greater light and knowledge but the consumer doesn't see it. The (to my mind) ridiculous comments that were made about Dutcher's States of Grace along the lines of 'Who would want to go see a film about a missionary having sex with a porn star?!!' fall in this category. The film was about grace and redemption for everyone, particularly for the most flawed of sinners and that was the message. But because it showed a missionary falling to temptation and then symbolically suggesting his acceptance and redemption through Christ RATHER THAN depicting some narrow escape from the clutches of evil, some saw it as not in keeping with what we are taught in the 13th Article of Faith.

(I feel like I'm doing an awful lot of stumping for people whose POV I don't agree with.)

Anyway, a lot of it just comes down to taste and tolerance for complexity and darkness. For me, I need darkness in order for the light to have real meaning. Elder Farrell's fall in States of Grace reminds me of what a sinner I am and of how dependent on and grateful for Christ I am and need to be. If he had just avoided Holly and not given in, I would have thought, "Good for him" but there would have been no ending to the movie. States of Grace doesn't encourage us to sin. Rather, it suggested there was hope for when we do -- which we all do and always will.

But, back to the original point of this post, depicting a character who had a history in adult films and, worse yet, having that character sleep with a missionary doesn't fit in with some people's view of what a Mormon storyteller should do. Because he/she should know better (according to them).

This, of course, reminds me of my old saw about why Mormons will flock to see amoral trash produced by people who have nothing to do with their lives, beliefs, or cultural heritage but will stay away from God's Army because there are Priesthood blessings given on screen and a missionary sitting on the can.

But that's a post for another day."

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Winter Light





Tuesday, December 4, 2007

All I Want For Christmas. . .

A good messenger bag to replace my old one. My mom's repair job prolonged its life by another year probably but it is now about to give up the ghost. It's remarkable that a 15 dollar bag from Old Navy lasted as long as it did. The bag above is neither from Old Navy nor is it only 15 dollars.



A "Made In Detroit" shirt. Not because I was made in Detroit, (I was made in Idaho, thankyewveddymuch!) but because I have some pride in living and working here. Also because I think the design of this shirt rocks.


Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. Yes, Hitchcock was a genius. Yes, it's a brilliant movie that works on more levels (ha ha) than you can count. Yes, it is a terrific example of set design. Yes, it's an interesting piece of work by Jimmy Stewart as he was trying to darken and diversify his image as an actor. All true. But mostly I'm just madly in love with Grace Kelly. Or Lisa Carol Fremont, I'm not sure which.


A good compass. Because every good Boy Scout should have one.


A Blick 906 Etching Press. Okay, so it costs roughly the same as a small car but only a small car from Yugoslavia. Sure, I could pay half a month's rent with what it would cost to buy this bad boy but if I did have it, I could crank out dozens and dozens of lino prints at a time and wouldn't have to use the back of a steel spoon to make my mark!



Why not?

Monday, December 3, 2007

December is here

About ten years ago, I bought my first issue of Poets and Writer's magazine. I loved it because, in addition to writing about various author's work, the articles included information about where the writers lived, what their houses/offices/workspaces looked like, what kinds of jobs they had before they "made it," and what weird writing rituals they had. When I was in my MFA program, I would sometimes joke that I should have gone into anthropology instead because I was more interested in what writers did, where they did it, and how they did it than I was in reading anything they wrote. So PW fed that appetite for details that exist beyond the official text.

Additionally, there were pages and pages in the back of ads for journals, magazines, and anthologies looking for poems. I highlighted dozens of them without knowing a thing about any of the publications. I got a box of large manila envelopes and started sending poems out willy-nilly.

Within a month, I'd gotten an acceptance back from a journal called New Zoo Poetry Review and I was thrilled. "Hey," I thought, "this publication thing is easy!" and I secretly sneered at my friends and teachers at school who bemoaned the difficulty of getting published. Yes, I had the writing world by the tail.

Of course, I was just wildly lucky and that's all there was to it. The poem was pretty good, I think, and the journal turned out to be reputable in the way that small, short-lived journals are but the fact is, I was just lucky. I've gotten published in other places since then but a lot of it had to do with people I knew or being involved with the publication myself somehow. Getting a poem in NZPR was one of the only times I blindly sent in work that was read and accepted purely on its own merits. Ah, how early success ruins us!

Anyway, the whole point of this little reminiscence is that the poem in question was called "Nativity" and it was on my mind this weekend as the ladies and I went to the giant creche exhibit hosted by the Ann Arbor ward. Every room of the meetinghouse except for the bathrooms, janitor's closet, and chapel were stuffed with Nativity scenes from every corner of the globe. Some were sublime, some were mundane, but the display itself was really impressive and very worthwhile to visit.

With that show in mind, I thought I'd dig out one of my two complimentary issues of NZPR and reprint "Nativity" here for everyone who hasn't read it. (And that would be just about everybody. Needless to say, the journal didn't exactly have a large readership. More like, the editorial staff, the contributors, and the contributors' mothers.)

Nativity

On my knees in front of our altar-shaped table,
practicing the necessary reverence of fragile things,
I unpack the Nativity:

Mary in frozen worship,
Joseph next to her,
his arms gathering in his new wife,

broken and chipped camels and donkeys,
three bearded men,
one man with a lamb in his arms.

Hard, little, plaster Christ-child comes last,
set in the center of concentric circles
of wise men, shepherds, and sheep.

Outside, the wind moves
like herds of cold beasts
trundling past the door.

The altar-table washes
with the advance and retreat of fire light,
its battle with blue from the window.

Each figure performs
a motionless dance
with its shadow shivering behind it.

The child in the hard cradle
is ruddy dark, with too-blue of eyes.
Passive, unknowing, he reaches up.

In the palm of his barely defined hand,
a shadow gathers and then dissipates,
like faith in a windy heart.

Bundled in brick and stone of my house,
a fire banked and hot in its place,
my family quietly about,

I look at this village of figures,
their serene, permanent faces,
their inflexible and fragile existence.

How alike we are
with this holy family,
its onlookers and animals!

We too dance
with our chipped shadows
cast huge and grotesque behind us.

We too have something
at our center that reaches up and out,
something holy.



So there it is. Normally, I would be loathe to print my own poetry here but it's as close as any of my work comes to seasonal or festive so I thought I'd make an exception.