It's Getting Worse

Today I asked the roll-call question, "Who do people tell you that you look like?" It's a fave question of mine and I enjoy seeing the connection when people say, "My mom tells me I look like Taylor Swift" or "All my buddies call me Sandler 'cause I look like Adam Sandler."

I never ask a question that I'm not willing to answer myself so today I mentioned that many of my students had said I look like a certain movie actor. Wondering if they'd all say the same thing the last couple of semester's worth of students had said, I asked my class today to guess who I'm often compared to.

Some of you may remember me writing with chagrin that students have been comparing me to the chubby and often stoned Seth Rogan.

Well, after today, I'd pay good money to be mistaken for Seth Rogan. Why? Here are two hints:




Yeah, that's right. Drew Carey and Vern, the dumb fat kid from Stand By Me. This morning was not a good time for my self esteem. I guess if I don't want the answers my students are going to give, I need to not ask the question.

I Have Never

Watched an episode of The Real Housewives of _______.

Eaten an oyster.

Been in a fist fight.

Had an alcoholic drink.

Traveled overseas.

Snowboarded.

Hitchhiked.

Smoked.

Seen a ghost.

Published a book.

Eaten a snail.

Had a son.

Won a wrestling match.

Run any race more than a few hundred meters.




Obviously, some of these things need to change, some do not.

Hee Hee

superpoop.com

For Your Information

From today's Writer's Almanac:

"Tonight is Midsummer Night's Eve, also called St. John's Eve. St. John is the patron saint of beekeepers. It's a time when the hives are full of honey. The full moon that occurs this month was called the Mead Moon, because honey was fermented to make mead. That's where the word 'honeymoon' comes from, because it's also a time for lovers. An old Swedish proverb says, 'Midsummer Night is not long but it sets many cradles rocking.' Midsummer dew was said to have special healing powers. In Mexico, people decorate wells and fountains with flowers, candles, and paper garlands. They go out at midnight and bathe in the lakes and streams. Midsummer Eve is also known as Herb Evening. Legend says that this is the best night for gathering magical herbs. Supposedly, a special plant flowers only on this night, and the person who picks it can understand the language of the trees. Flowers were placed under a pillow with the hope of important dreams about future lovers.

"Shakespeare set his play 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' on this night. It tells the story of two young couples who wander into a magical forest outside Athens. In the play, Shakespeare wrote, 'The course of true love never did run smooth.'"

Wild West Pest

What happens when you get three creative girls and an accommodating dad with a video camera? An opus featuring Maryn, Avery, and their new long-distance bff Addie Mosier entitled Wild West Pest. Enjoy 59 seconds of cinematic genius.

$581.31 later....

So, thanks to the help of the very nice manager of the very fine Holiday Inn Express in Lincoln, NE, we managed to find a good garage just a few miles from the hotel and get things taken care of by mid-afternoon. The alternator had indeed seized up (tighter than a banker's smile, I like to say) and so we got a new one with a lifetime warranty and headed on our way. I thought perhaps we'd drive faster because my wallet was SO much lighter after picking up the van. 347 dollars just for an alternator? Really? Is it made out of gold or grant wishes or protect unicorns or something?

Also, a hundred dollars an hour for labor? Really? My job enables people to be better, more sophisticated thinkers but I guess that's not as valuable as being able to make a car go. Awesome. Anyway.

The drive back was just really, really long. It was our shortest driving day but it seemed eternal. We stopped in some tiny town called Colfax, IA for dinner and I half expected Sheriff Andy Taylor to sit down next to us with his Aunt Bea and order some apple pie.

We made it back by midnight and then commenced a two-hour unpacking and clean-a-thon. Apparently, Charlie is a filthy, filthy, filthy animal. The entire house was covered in a lush carpet of his shiny black hair so we had to scrape that off so we could have places to sleep.

Charlie the cat was so happy to see us he practically vibrated with excitement. He meowed and head-butted all of us and wouldn't stay out from under our feet. Parker was also thrilled that we'd returned. She power-crawled from room to room yelling at things as her way of celebrating and greeting everything. I don't think I've mentioned this here before but Park loves our Mixmaster. It sits on the bottom shelf in our pantry and she regularly crawls up to it and licks it. Last night, she practically made out with it. She was happy to see Mixie, her old pal.

Anyway, we're back and happily so. My own bed, my own couch, our own food, etc. - it all just seems magic after two weeks away.

Work starts tomorrow. 50 eager faces ready to learn. I'll let you know how it goes.

Laying Low in Lincoln

Okay, so most of life's experiences are double-edged. Bad things happen that bring about good things and vice versa.

So here's the deal, tonight we drove through a thunder and lightning storm as big as all Nebraska. Seriously - for over an hour we had maybe twenty or thirty feet of visibility and lightning striking all around us. I wasn't worried. I felt weirdly calm through the whole thing and just kept plowing along through the rain-soaked interstate.

About five minutes before we pulled into the hotel (Lincoln's very fine Holiday Inn Express), the battery light flicked on. By the time we pulled under the hotel awning, smoke was coming out of the grill of the van. I popped the hood and had a look - the alternator belt was moving but the alternator was not. Hence, the smoke.

So, I'll spend tomorrow morning investigating a couple of nearby auto repair places and hoping it won't take a million years to get this done.

So, bad news - broken down in Nebraska, the never-ending state. Going to be out quite a bit of money. Will have even less time to prep for classes starting on Wednesday.

Good news - my family is dry, safe, and comfortable when we very well could have broken down in the middle of nowhere in in the midst of a gargantuous storm. If things have to go wrong (and they do because that's how this mortal coil is designed to go), it's pretty fabulous that they went wrong the way they did.

I will keep you posted.

Whining In Wyoming

When I was a kid, we used to drive to Denver most summers for family vacations. We'd always take I-80 across the southern strip of Wyoming and I remember looking around at the emptiness and thinking, "Why do people worry about over-population? There's tons of room out here."

I had an inkling back then but now, as an adult, I understand fully why Wyoming is so vast and empty.

It sucks.

Seriously, this whole state is a hole. And not the useful kind like a manhole or a doughnut hole. Nope, Wyoming is the other kind of hole - and I know you know what I'm saying.

We're in Rawlins tonight. Avery's nose has been running for three days, Suzanne started developing the flu yesterday, and today I feel as though my chest is gripped by the chill, bony hand of death of itself. I think I'm developing pneumonia from walking around without a coat too much.

We originally planned to make it to Cheyenne tonight and then we shortened our plans to Laramie. Once we stopped for dinner here in Rawlins, though, it was a done deal. We checked in around 8, did a load of laundry, swam in the too-cold but supposedly heated swimming pool, watched Toy Story 2 on the Disney Channel, and then retired. The lights are out and everyone is asleep except for me and Parker. She's looking at me out of the corner of her glassy little eye. She'll be asleep in a matter of moments. Hopefully, I will too.

While it's nice to take it kind of easy for a night, it puts us way behind schedule. We're still a thousand miles from home so we won't be able to make it there by tomorrow night. We'll have to stay in Des Moines or something like that. Ah well, another day, another hotel room, right?

Sighing in SLC

Salt Lake City tonight. We left Rigby around noon, ate lunch at Butter Burr in Pocatello, and met one of Suzanne's old mission companions for dinner in SLC. After dinner, we walked to the Conference Center and listened to the MoTab choir rehearse for about twenty minutes, and then came to our hotel.

It's been a lovely day but we are tired. Parker is fighting the sleep she needs pretty badly. The girls are in bed but watching that lame Mall Cops show on TLC or whatever. (I think it ties for most irrelevant, uninteresting reality show along with Jerseylicious.) I'm blogging.

Tomorrow, we'll visit Temple Square in the morning, have a barbeque with Tony's family in Highland, and then stay the night at Ryan's in Orem. Saturday morning? Onward to Illinois!!

Tired

Today is the first really sunny day we've had since we arrived in Idaho but we're all too tired to go out and do anything. We arrived safe and sound late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning (a speed record, btw) and commenced to live life full-throttle.

This morning we attended niece Brianna's baptism. It was an interesting experience to attend a mass baptismal service for more than 15 kids all at once. It was like a military operation practically. Despite the mass sausage factory aspect of the services, it was fun to attend. Brianna is a real sweetheart so we're glad our visit coincided with her special day.

Anyway, that took a couple of hours then we came back to my parents' house for refreshments and visiting. Not long after that, our children safely in our lovely sisters-in-law's care, Suzanne and I headed for the temple and did a session. It was very nice. Nice to be in the temple together, nice to have some time alone, nice to have some QUIET.

Now everyone is just kind of dozing. Tomorrow we'll take Maryn and Avery to West Yellowstone to see the Playmill production of Beauty and the Beast. Parker will stay home with the valiant and charming sisters-in-law once again.

We'll take it kind of easy on Tuesday and then Wednesday, we'll head down to SLC for some Mormon sightseeing and family visits. Should be good.