In Idaho. Rigby, to be exact. Earlier this week, the oncologist said that it's likely my mom is in her last few weeks of life. He doesn't know for sure, of course, but she's exhibiting the symptoms of someone who is nearing the end. So I've come to see her while I can.
Since I heard the news, my stomach has been sour and in knots. I haven't been able to sleep and the idea of food is mostly repellent. It just seems like a lot - to lose two parents within a matter of months. It feels like more than I can bear.
It's hard to be here and to see how Mom has declined just in the three months since Dad's funeral. It's painful to watch her be unable to move, unable to feed herself, etc. She sees people and places that aren't really there. She doesn't always remember who everybody is. I wish I could find peace with this and recognize it as an opportunity to say goodbye but instead I just feel sick and confused.
Mom recognizes us (my brother Jason and his family are down from Moscow also) and she seems glad we're here. That's a blessing. I got to sit with her and scratch her back and hold her hand last night after I arrived and that was a sweet experience. It's good to be with my brothers who are loving and good. So it's not all bad - but it does feel pretty overwhelming at the moment.
So if you think to yourself, "Well, what can I do for you and your family, Mark?" I would reply, "Pray for us." We need all the divine help we can get at this point and so your prayers in our behalf would be greatly appreciated.
8 comments:
I was going to say something about your neglected blog this weekend, but you beat me to it. Glad you're here. She is too.
You know how it is, Mark, when you are with your girls on a daily basis, and you really do not notice that they are growing ? And then someone comes to visit who hasn't seen them for awhile, and they say : "Omigosh, look how they have grown !"
That is how it is with your Mom's decline... "Oh, how she has changed." And, of course, outwardly she has. What you are seeing has changed. But, inwardly she is the same Mom you always knew. You must ask for the vision to see that.
Once I was told that when they no longer communicate with those are earth, it is because they are talking to those already gone beyond, making preparations for their arrival. Maybe that is what your Mom sees now. A glimse into the next life. Her Mother from whom she has long been separated, from your Dad from whom she has only been recently parted.
We are praying, Mark, for the Lord's wisdom in this, and for your understanding of that will.
Oh, Mark. There has been so much for you and your family to bear. I am so very, very sorry. You will be in my prayers.
I'm praying for you.
I'll never, ever forget the last few weeks with my mother. It was one of the most emotionally intense and horrible and beautiful times in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. What a blessing that you can be there now.
I know it doesn't help to hear right now, but I think the being there at the end makes the recovery easier later.
We'll keep all of you in our prayers. Love you guys.
I love you. I'm praying for all you guys.
I am sorry too Mark and hope you can find some peace amidst all the turmoil.
The prayers never stopped. Love to you.
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