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Off the Plan

A couple of weeks ago I took a personality test for work. And it came back negative!

Ba-dum-dum. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

Seriously though, everyone who comes to work at IVCC takes the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator in order to identify their personality "type." I guess the idea came from a former president who was big into learning styles and brain testing and thought that if employees know what type of person they are, they can maximize strengths and work on weaknesses. I don't know about that - but I do think the results are interesting.

Surprisingly, after answering only 30 or 40 questions, the resulting interpretive report is pretty accurate. As it happens, my type is ENFP - which stands for Extroverted Intuition with Feeling. Some interesting tidbits from the report:

"People with ENFP preferences see life as a creative adventure full of exciting possibilities. . . They need affirmation from others and readily give appreciation and support to others. . . They are stimulated by new people, ideas, and experiences. THey fiund meaning and significance readily and see connections that others don't. They are likely to be curious, creative, imaginative, energetic, enthusiastic, and spontaneous. . . ENFPs value harmony and goodwill. They like to please others and will adapt to others' needs and wishes when possible. . . They value depth and authenticity in their close relationships and direct great energy to creativing and supporting open and honest communication."

Okay, so nice things, right? Makes me sound like quite a dynamo. Here's one of the more accurate and irritating passages:

"ENFPs hate routine, schedules, and structure, and usually manage to avoid them."

Yeah, I'm afraid it's true. As soon as I establish some kind of schedule or routine, I almost immediately feel the need to disregard it. When I do, I get this weird sense of liberty and freedom. If I'm supposed to be reading over my lunch break but instead I'm driving off with Suzanne to Fourth Street Bakery, I'm always light and happy. If I'm supposed to attend a meeting but, for whatever reason, end up missing it, I'm happy as can be.

Why is this on my mind? Well, you know how I wrote the other day about needing to grade so many papers a day and read so many film essays in order to stay on track? Guess how much of that has gotten done?

Not much.

Now, it's not all my fault. On Wednesday, I was supposed to put up the rest of the mini-blinds in the windows of the house and, once that was done, I was going to devote a couple of hours to grading and reading. Well, there were (ahem) technical difficulties and what should have taken an hour or two turned into a four hour odyssey that involved much anger, frustration, and repositioned blinds. By the time it was all over, all I felt like doing was stewing about my ineptitude with tools, measuring, fixing stuff, etc. and waiting for Lost to come on. It had been a hard day.

See what I did there? I found a perfectly legitimate excuse for not sticking with my schedule. I'm pretty good at that.

There are a couple of problems (as you might imagine) with a trait like this. First of all, I'm married to a woman who loves schedules and planning and routine the way she loves her mother, America, and oxygen. The idea that opposites attract is true. I don't think anyone mentions how frustrating the reality of that truth can be however.

The other problem is that I still have to get things done, you know? I still have to be a productive member of society, a useful employee, a dedicated student, etc. Tossing schedules to the wind doesn't really serve me in any of those roles. The unfortunate and ironic thing is that, last week, I was called to be the executive secretary in my ward, the guy in charge of scheduling a lot of stuff. It doesn't take a poet to recognize that poetic justice.

The novelist and creative writing teacher Carolyn See has this idea that writers shouldn't talk about their work. The whole first section of her wonderful book, Making a Literary Life, is entitled "Keep It To Yourself" and she writes about how once a writer starts to talk about his or her book, it's suddenly no longer their personal project. It becomes public property and people feel just fine about wandering up and saying, "So how's the book coming?" See feels that kind of public-ness ruins personal projects like writing and takes away the magic and the book sooner or later dies in the water.

I wonder if my goals to read or grade or whatever are like that - as soon as I utter them aloud, they die and I suddenly have to find something else to do. Maybe I just need to keep stuff like that to myself. But then what would I write about here?

Then again, if I don't keep it to myself and I do write about it, I kinda get extra mileage out of my posts - one to announce my goal and another to lament how badly I failed at meeting that goal. How about that? Everybody wins - or loses, depending on how you look at it.

Sigh. Back to work tomorrow.

Spring Break, Day 2

It's a wet, blustery day here on the morning of Spring Break, Day 2. The little stretch of sidewalk in the backyard pools with rainwater and starlings and sparrows fly up occasionally to bathe in it.

Suzanne is asleep and the girls are at school. I told Suzy that I'd handle getting Maryn and Avery off to class all this week so she could sleep in. She does it every other day of the year because I teach at 8 a.m. and have to be gone usually before the girls are even awake. So I figured it's the least I can do to let her sleep in for a few days. (Of course, I'm not sure if it's cool for the girls. I pack their lunches with salami sandwiches and whole dill pickles.)

Yesterday, Suze and I drove to Bloomington to eat lunch at Olive Garden. Bloomington is a largish college town and is fun to visit. We ate, went to the mall for a bit, and got Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the way out of town. We made it back before the girls got out of school and they're none the wiser that we went and had fun without them.

I've got papers to grade, a book to read, and films to watch over the break. My plan is to get through about ten papers and read about sixty pages a day. I know it doesn't sound like much of a break but just the fact that I get to grade papers in my little chair in the corner of the living room and read my film book in my pajamas makes it pretty nice. I don't need Florida to vacation - just a chair and pajamas. Is that wrong?

There is much TV goodness to discuss. I haven't even mentioned the return of Dancing With The Stars, nor I have I discussed the ongoing, fascinating stupidity on Brothers and Sisters. Most importantly of all, I've hardly addressed all the hubbub over on Weirdness Island on Lost. It's not that these things aren't deeply important to me and to you (go ahead and admit it) -- it's just that I haven't had the time. One thing about my new job that's distinctly different from YDB is that I don't have hours of idle time like I used to. I'm actually pretty busy almost all the time now. It's nice, I'm not complaining. But it has cut into my blogging time for sure. I have less time to stare out the window and think, Hmmm, what should I blog about today? I know you've suffered, my friends. I'm sorry about that.

As far as TV goes, I'll just say this: it's obviously between Gille, Shawn, and Melissa. If Gille were to win, it would be the first time an outright nobody won the contest. I think he may have the edge over Shawn just because he's a swarthy Frenchman and she's a spunky 17 year old and, when it comes down to some of the naughtier dances, he may have more to draw on than her (and rightly so.) Melissa is the wild card. She's really good and obviously has some background and loads and natural talent. Unless something drastic happens, I'd say it will be the battle of the nobodies in the end - Dumped Reality Show Girl vs. Little Known French Actor. Steve Wozniak, Steve O., and Denise Richards need to be put out of my misery.

As far as Lost goes, all I can say is that each episode fills me with an almost narcotic glee and I am always sad when the final "LOST" appears on the screen and I know I have to wait another week. Sawyer as the leader? Jack as a janitor? Sun clubbing Ben over the head with an oar?!!!? It's so good it makes me want to slap the writers of other shows (especially those of Two and Half Men. Who watches that bitter, nasty garbage?)

Anyway, tonight on the DWTS results show, one of the featured singers will be Adele who I like very much. I've played her album, 19, pretty much into submission on my ipod. Unfortunately, she'll be sharing time with Hall and Oates, the most has-been of all has-beens - but she's really good and worth watching so tune in if you get a chance. I'll include a couple of YouTube videos below so you can get a sense of her style. The video aren't much to watch - just stills - but the sound quality of the songs is pretty good and that's what matters.





It's stopped raining and the wind is already drying up the water on the sidewalk. I should probably go grab something to eat for breakfast and then read a few papers. (Five in the morning and five in the evening make it a lot more manageable.) I'll try to check in tomorrow and tell you what I think of the latest elimination from DWTS, the possibilities for the next episode of Lost, my theories on how exactly to define Film Noir, and another photo of the world outside my window.

Suzy Answers All Your Questions

This is lifted from Suzanne's blog for the few readers here who don't have access to it:

"First of all, thank you soooo much for your enthusiastic replies to our news. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have so much excitement and support in this new (scary) endeavor. I'm going to need all the help I can get, so thank you, thank you, thank you!! You are the best!!

Now, for some details because many of you have asked and inquiring minds want (no, MUST) know!! I know that when I'm in your shoes, I can't stand the suspense and the whole not knowing any of the scoop, so I will indulge you...why? Because I love you.

1. Was this a "happy mistake" (wink, wink)?

No, this baby was planned. I know that's going to be a lot of people's first question. Especially because there is such a huge gap between this baby and Avery...it will be 7 years by the time the due date comes around. In the back of my mind (and I think Mark's), I've always wanted more kids. After I had Avery and her birth experience was so traumatic, I wasn't quite sure. I knew it would be awhile. And then we hit some bumps along the road, I went back to work full-time, and then I really wasn't sure. But in the back of my mind the yearning and the desire was always there. I think the moment it started becoming more of a realistic possibility again was after I was laid off from Compuware and I was staying home again. The quietness of my days and the memory of having little ones in the house to care for and chase after came flooding back. I wanted that again, and knew I wasn't "done". Mark and I started discussing it again and decided that once we moved to Tonica, we would wait a few months and see how things went. Well, the Lord had a different plan for us and this baby because we must have gotten pregnant right after we moved here. I'm thinking early January. And here we are!!

2. How far along are you?

I am 14 weeks on Monday. My due date is September 22. The doc pushed it up by 2 weeks because the baby is already measuring big. (Technically should have been due October 2.) It seems for me they measure big in utero, but then are little tiny chickens at birth. He is already planning on delivering me at 36 weeks though.

3. How am I feeling?

Okay for the most part. Being pregnant at 35 is a lot different than being pregnant at 26 and 28 (like I was with the girls). I'm tired...all the time...and it never goes away. I'm in bed every night by 9 and usually asleep not too long after that. As far as the morning sickness goes, it actually comes at night. The first several weeks it would start around 4 or 5 pm, and continue all night. But I never puke. Thank heavens for that. Strong stomach I guess. Sometimes I think the release would be better than the nausea though. In the last several weeks, it has tapered off to just being nausious after dinner. But I feel good in the mornings. I get all of my stuff done in the mornings. (Which is sooooo unlike me normally.)

4. Are you still exercising (running)?

Yes, when I can. The first 3 months have been really good for that. But the past week I've had this nasty cold and haven't been able to do much. I've kept up my routine for the most part. I've tapered off the strength training and focused more on just cardio. It actually helps with the nausea and fatigue. I have had to slow down though. I'm more like jogging now instead of full-out running, and I take longer walks to warm up and cool down. But I'm trying to keep my mileage around 3-5 a few times a week. On the other days I do the elliptical or take a walk around Tonica. My goal is to keep fit this pregnancy. It's important for me to feel in control.

5. How did we tell the girls and what was their reaction?

I looked forward to this so much!! I wanted it to be special and couldn't wait to tell them!! But we decided to wait until after the first dr. appt with ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. We put an ultrasound picture in an envelope for each of them and had a normal FHE on a Monday night. I started by telling them that something very special was going to happen to our family this year and that they could find a clue in their envelopes. Maryn immediately thought we were going to Disney World again (that's how we surprised them last time). Avery got her envelope open first and said, "Mom's gonna have another baby." Maryn was so confused and got her envelope open and was still dumbfounded. I looked at her and said, "yep, Avery's right." They were so excited and jumped up and down and laughed and were really happy. We gave them each 3 carnations. One was a dark shade of pink, a lighter shade of pink, and white. The 3 flowers signify our 3 children...Maryn, Avery, and the white one for the baby because we don't know what it is yet. They can look at their flowers and see how each of them has a place in our family and that they are each beautiful and special. Carnations last a long time and it's been nice to have them around for awhile to remind us of our new little sibling that will be coming. Since that FHE, Maryn has gotten increasingly excited and brings me cards and notes home from school with drawings of babies and baby paraphanalia and name suggestions. Her faves are Bobby (Brady, what?) and "Abagal (sic)" for a girl. I can tell she is going to be my right hand man. She is very nurturing that way. I have seen it come out in her especially since Erin's boys have been born. She really loves that little Cole-ee-pokee and talks about her baby cousin to her friends often. Avery is also excited and likes to tease me about having a baby in my belly. I think she may be feeling a little more competetive though. It's understandable...she's been my baby for 6 years now.

6. Who did we tell first?

We told our girls first, then our parents, then our sibs, then our blogs. People at church still don't know, as well as co-workers and people on the street.

7. Am I showing?

I don't know. I have a pooch anyway, so I "show" all the time, even when I'm not pregnant. So far I've gained between 5 and 8 pounds. It came on fast and I think that means that it's mostly baby weight, but who knows?!? It could have something to do with the fact that I'm addicted to Casey's donuts and Arby's lately. My clothes still go on, but they are definitely getting snugger and the options are becoming limited. When can I switch to elastic???? Please somebody tell me! I am ready to embrace the stretchy pants!!

8. Am I a crazy hormonal emotional lunatic?

Surprisingly no. I have felt pretty in control. I have my moments but they are not too different from my norm. I still freak when stuff gets too messy, or I have to repeat myself a million times. The thing that amuses me is the fact that I full-on cry after watching "Baby Story" on TLC, and watching other random stuff on TV. It actually makes me laugh. Oh wait, crying and then laughing? Maybe I am crazy.

9. What do I need?

Everything! As many of you know we gave away, sold, got rid of all of our baby stuff after the Idaho move. We are starting over from scratch. I am hoping to hit some garage sales this summer and make some trips back to MI to "Baby, Baby" in Northville. I am going to look for some maternity clothes (yeah for stretchy pants) when I go back during Spring Break. But if you know of anyone getting rid of any baby stuff, send them my way.

10. What are my biggest fears?

That's a tough one. I am old(er) now, so that's a bit scary. We're starting over again and it's been awhile. Hopefully it will be like riding a bike though. I'm scared of having a yucky delivery like I did with Ave. But my doc knows the history and has reassured me he will do all he can to not have that happen again. I don't really know anybody around here...who will we call in the middle of the night to come stay with the girls? Who will help me after the baby comes home? Will the RS sisters (who live 30-45 minutes away) bring me dinners? Will I gain too much weight? Will the girls feel ignored and neglected? Will I get post-partum depression again? Will I be the oldest Mom at the baby's Kindergarten graduation? Then again, how old will I be at the baby's high-school graduation? And HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS?!?EEK! Lots to be nervous about, but I know it will all work out. I know that we are doing the right thing.

11. What are you most excited for?

A new baby of course!! I have watched nieces and nephews and babies of my friends be born and absolutely wanted to bundle them up and take them home with me. I love newborns, and the first year is my favorite!! I can't wait for the little fingers and toes and tiny newborn diapers and the smell of desitin and baby lotion and giving them baths in the sink and swaddling them tight like mummies and their coo's and squeaks and all of it!! Bring it on!! I know that eventually there will be potty training and climbing on top of the furniture and tantrums and dumping kitchen cupboards and running into the street when I'm not looking, but I think (and hope) that I can handle it. We are ready...we can't wait!!

Did I leave any questions out? If so, let me know in the comments.

Thanks again you guys!!"

You Do The Math

Expert Witness

In Stephen Dunn's long poem "Loves," he writes, "I love how true experts speak / precisely, embody all the words." I remembered this line last night as Suzanne and I were watching a new episode of Chopped on the Food Network. As most of you know, Chopped is a cooking competition that starts with four chefs making an appetizer with ingredients they only find out about the moment before they're supposed to start preparing them. The appetizer gets evaluated by expert judges and the chef who is the least successful in terms of taste, creativity, and presentation is then "chopped." Someone else gets cut after the entree and then the last two competitors battle it out over dessert. The winner gets ten thousand dollars and bragging rights.

Anyway, it occurred to me last night what a pleasure it is to just watch someone who really knows what he/she's doing. It's fun to watch an expert do their thing, you know? Last night, Chef Darius, this towering, lumbering guy with a head like a tree stump, did some really tasty and beautiful-looking things with string cheese (of all things), jicama, gingersnaps. I'm not a foodie by any stretch but I can appreciate creativity in almost any arena. He took string cheese, processed and log-like, and used it to stuff a boneless chicken wing along with some celery. It was ingenious and looked really good.



But this isn't just about one guy and how he made nice looking food on TV. This is about listening to my dad explain about plumbing a house and watching Don Ricks put paint on a canvas. It's about listening to Captain Admiral talk about baseball. It's the pleasure of watching a film put together by Alfred Hitchcock. It's the joy of having the company computer guy come into your cube and miraculously fix your problem. It's listening to Terry Gross conduct an interview. It's watching a really good dancer. It's reading dialogue by Richard Russo.

I think everybody is an expert at something and sometimes I encourage my students to write about what they know. Even if it's something I don't particularly care about, when it's described by someone who knows and cares, it becomes interesting. I read a really good essay this semester about to "lay a spread" of decoys for duck hunting. Another student was really successful with an essay about how to detail a car, while another student made "how to make a milkshake at the Tastee Freez" (sic) sound fascinating. Details, expert knowledge, and an ability make something accessible to the layman all go a long way to making almost any subject interesting.

Taxes

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Whew

One idea I use to comfort myself when I'm about to experience something potentially unpleasant is, no matter how bad it may be, it can't last forever. If it's a dentist's appointment, I figure it will be over in an hour or so. If it's a class full of hooligan students, I know it will be over in 16 weeks. If it's talking about my religion to a class full of disapproving Catholics, I know it has to be over by one. And it is. I'm now safely installed in the Writing Center and my presentation on the church is over with.

All in all, it went pretty well. It's not like the Holy Spirit came and alighted on the heads of my listeners but it also isn't as though I was tarred and feathered for being a heretic. I explained the basic beliefs of the church - God, Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon - and said a few things about missionaries and temples. Then I talked about how it was legal to kill a Mormon in the state of Missouri until 1976. That perked them right up. We talked a little about polygamy (I figured I'd beat them to the punch on that one) and then I opened it up for questions. They covered quite a range, from "How does your church view holy books from other religions" to "What's the Mark of Cain?"

Some listeners were more engaged than others and some were more sympathetic than others. One woman in the back looked at me the whole time as though I smelled like I'd just emerged from a sewer. A row of guys on the left were clearly there because they had to be and their whole project was just staying awake for an hour. But the majority of the group seemed interested and attentive.

Anyway, Jason Beyer, the teacher, seemed pleased and a couple of people stuck around to ask additional questions so I'd say it went pretty well.

The most surprising aspect of the whole thing was when, an hour before my presentation, a guy showed up at my office, introduced himself, and said he'd be coming to the talk because he's RLDS and he's excited that finally there's someone else on campus who "understands." It was really weird but really fun too. He's a nice guy and we had a chat about polygamy (the dividing line between LDS and RLDS back in the days of Nauvoo and the exodus to Utah), about revisionist church history, and about the Community of Christ. Hardly the friend connection I thought I'd be making today, but fun and interesting nevertheless.

I feel like a weight is off. I have the big Day of Writing thing on Friday but I don't even care. I feel as light as a soap bubble. Yay for me.

What I've Gotten Myself Into

So apparently there's a comparative religion course at IVCC. Who knew? The teacher, a guy named Jason, emailed me a week or ten days ago and said that he'd heard I'm Mormon. News travels fast, eh? Anyway, he was wondering if I'd be willing to give an hour-long presentation on the LDS church to his class and anyone else who might want to show up. I said yes and didn't think much about it. We've got spring break coming up and I figured one Friday after that, I'd be happy to say a few things about the Book of Mormon, not drinking alcohol, and good hygiene. Well, the teacher asked if I could do it this coming Friday. I said no because I'm already committed to helping out with another teacher's project, the National Day of Writing. So instead of saying, "Well, we'll just try again after spring break," he said, "How about Wednesday?"

So now I'm scheduled to say my bit this Wednesday at noon. I got a stack of pamphlets and copies of the Book of Mormon from the missionaries on Sunday and I've been rolling ideas around in my head for the last couple of days.

I served a two-year mission, have extensive experience teaching in church, feel extremely comfortable in front of groups of people, and feel like I'll probably be in front of a generous audience - and yet I'm pretty scared. I've been the only Mormon in plenty of places - work, school, etc. But for some reason, this place seems different. It's not just that I'm the only Mormon at work, I'm practically the only LDS guy in the entire valley. Most of my students have never met or come into any kind of proximity with a Mormon before. I suddenly feel a pressure I don't think I've ever experienced.

Plus, I'm worried about some slightly-better-read student or faculty member asking about polygamy, blacks and the Priesthood, or gays and marriage. Some answers I have, some I don't. And some answers I have but I don't really feel like sharing at work with people with whom I have to sit in committee meetings. I guess I shouldn't be worried. It's just that it's strange to combine work and religion, especially in such a public manner.

I'll let you know how it goes.

My Day So Far

The house in the morning light. I'm about to pull out and head for work.



The misty fields across the street from our place. It's warm today and there's a lot of moisture in the air.



Breakfast.



The sign where I turn in.




The front entrance.




English 1001 busily working in pairs, looking at comparison and contrast essays, trying to determine thesis statements.




Members of English 1002 look warily on, wondering what I have up my sleeve for them today. (Thesis statements!)




The sunlit hall leading to my office.




A view of our little courtyard in the center of campus.



The Nerdery a.k.a. my office. Note the bank of action figures above the desk.

The Sweet Smell of Success

As the inimitable Debbie Hunt of Singles fame once said, "Desperation is the world's worst cologne." Too true, I think. People can smell desperation the way animals can smell fear and the way I can smell fried pastry in the next county. And it's not a good smell, folks. (Desperation, not the fried pastry. Anything doughnut-like smells like heaven to me.)

Desperation is the main ingredient in the ironically titled film, The Sweet Smell of Success. Press agent Sidney Falco (Tony Curtis) is desperate to get his client's names in the papers. Powerful columnist J.J. Hunsaker (Burt Lancaster) is desperate to get his beloved little sister away from a boyfriend he doesn't approve of. Susan Hunsaker is desperate to get out from under the withering influence of her overbearing brother.



It's a prescient film in a lot of ways, accurately demonstrating the consequences of a celebrity/media/ego-centered society. It could just as easily be set in today's world, only instead of being a Walter Winchell-inspired columnist, J.J. Hunsaker might be a celebrity blogger or work for TMZ.

As a film, it's plenty flawed. It won't be one I'll return to anytime soon but, for what it was, it was worth watching.

Random Thought #1 - Maybe Tony Curtis is just small but Burt Lancaster looked like an absolute gorilla next to him. The guy's shoulders looked to be about seven feet wide. Was he really that big?

Random Bit o' Trivia #1 - Susan Harrison, who played Susan Hunsaker, is the mother of Darva Conger, the woman who got married on Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire. Small world, eh?

Because They Please Me

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Late Night

It's late so this won't be long. I just finished a stack of eleven 1002 papers. A couple were really good, a couple were really bad, and the rest were somewhere in the middle - all of which is pretty typical.

Sometimes when I grade, I just feel guilty because I must not be giving the students everything they need. I must not be because otherwise they wouldn't suck so bad, you know? I think I assume too much and take the easy road too often. I think some students get left behind because I take the "oh, you should have learned this by now" approach in class.

I think I'm a pretty good teacher most of the time. I've been blessed with a knack for explaining abstract concepts in concrete terms. I try to be compassionate about my students' struggles. I try to be funny and nice. But sometimes, I feel like I'm a big faker and that some members of my classes would be better off if they had a real instructor, you know?

Most of my teacher friends have told me they feel the same way now and then so I know I'm not alone. I also know that I'm tired and discouraged at having had to hand out a couple of D's in this last stack of papers. That's never a good state of mind in which to assess one's career and abilities.

So rather than worry myself over it any more, I'm going to bed. It's been a long day and I could use the rest.

P.S. I watched almost all of the finale of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelor: After the Final Rose" tonight and that's enough to make even the happiest of people feel like the human race is swiftly approaching its end as a good, productive force in the world. Eecchhh. My spiritual malaise proably has more to do with me watching that useless piece of garbage than any grade I could ever give a student.