Sunday, February 5, 2012

High There

I was diagnosed with high cholesterol in my early 30s. The doctor told me to eat less crap, exercise more, and try to eat fish two or three times a week. I did none of those things. I was barely out of my 20s and still looked and felt good. I'm pretty sure I thought to myself something really smart and informed-sounding like, "It will probably go away on its own."

Genius.

Surprisingly, it has not. I went in for a checkup last year and got put on a statin called Lovastatin. Three months ago I was commanded to start taking Omega 3 capsules too. Last week, I went back to the doctor to see if any of it is doing any good.

Long story short, it's not. Apparently, I might as well have been eating Pez for the last year instead of Lovastatin. I might as well be attacking a tank with a sling shot. I might as well send Pee Wee Herman in to wrestle Hulk Hogan (how's that for a dated 80's crossover reference?)
I might as well be Obama at a fundraiser in southeast Idaho. I might as well try to knock down a house by spitting on it really hard.

Have I made my point? Lovastatin + Mark's cholesterol = no workie.

My good cholesterol is low, my bad cholesterol is high, and the only thing to have budged more than a few measly points was my triglyceride level. Thanks, Fish Oil!

The thing that got to me in this last appointment (besides the fact that the doctor made me wait an hour and twenty minutes - seriously, what is it with me and doctors? Do I have a sign hung round my neck that says, "This guy loves to be ignored! Go get yourself a sandwich!") is when the doctor said, "A man your age with a lipid profile like this really can't afford to ignore these numbers."

A man my age. Yup. The time for youthful arrogance and expecting to melt away blood fat through a strict cheeseburger and Chicago Dog diet is over. Sigh. Sometimes I hate being mortal.

So, the doctor discontinued my Lovastatin script and gave me something more powerful. I guess he's moving me up from a BB gun to perhaps a .38 or a .45 in hopes of blasting the high fat perps lurking around in my blood. I'll keep taking my fish oil capsules (thank freaking heaven for whatever technology that makes them almost not taste fishy at all) and try to eat a little less crap while taking in a little more fresh fruit. Maybe I'll walk on the treadmill or something.

I'm scheduled to go back in three months and see if any of it is working, so I'll keep you updated. Hopefully, the doctor won't say anything like this:


6 comments:

Paul and Linda said...

BTW, did anyone ever mention that you look remarkably like Fred McMurray ? Who, incidentally, died of a massive coronary, but what does that have to do w/you ?

I repeat, what does that have to do with you ?

I had a heart attack at age 47, and my cholesterol was normal. Genetics was the base of my problem.

Shalee said...

Good heck, man! Take care of yourself! You aren't allowed to check out early.

Captain Admiral said...

Having read your post, I wanted to give you some good advice about how to take care of yourself.

Then I thoroughly reviewed my age (older than you) and my dietary habits (worse than yours), and the amount of pills I take (none), and I realized that I have nothing to offer you.

Carry on.

Ang said...

This post, coupled with the noir-ish new look of you blog, fills me with a sense of foreboding.

That said, Mark having a heart attack? I reject that.

Karen said...

I'll throw away my bag of Doritoes if you throw away yours.

Tawnya said...

Dude, I was diagnosed with borderline high cholesterol a few years ago too. The doc told me to lay off red meat and eat more beans and fresh veggies and rice. I told him I'd been a vegetarian for a few years. Age and genetics are weird! Take care of yourself. Eat good food. Lay off the crap food. It's jerky and rude and made to make our bodies feel crappy in the long run. I reject that. :) I have a ton of good recipes I can share if ya like. Seriously, there is some durn good food out there that's actually really good for ya. That ol' Word of Wisdom is full of stuff that makes a lot of sense and I'm not just talking about the big three that for some reason everyone at church focuses on while ignoring the rest that contradicts a good ol' American diet. :) OK, off soapbox....now! :)