Goodbye To The Jolly, Bronze Giant

Okay, first things first. We must discuss the recent developments on DWTS, my friends. (I will use the term "my friends" as much as possible in this post to make my McCain-supporting readers feel comfortable.) My friends, I was deeply saddened by what happened to Misty May Treanor. First of all, the sound of an Achilles tendon rupturing is about the worst sound in the world. If it makes me squinch up and cry a little to hear it, my friends, I don't even want to imagine what it feels like.



It makes me sad that our friendly, jolly, bronze giant isn't going to be on the show anymore. First, I had Misty picked as a finalist and it was a pleasure to watch her take on a different persona with each new performance. She had a lot of raw talent and was so aggressive about her approach that her dances were never boring. I'll miss her, my friends, because she was fun to watch. But I'm sad also because she seems like a really nice, genuine person. There wasn't much that was entertainer-ish about her. She just seemed like that nice neighbor you could chat with over the fence or that you could ask to grab things off your roof so you didn't have to get out your ladder. My friends, it seemed like she was honestly sad that she wasn't able to continue on and that was sort of touching. (Although, honestly, she was probably more worried about what the injury means for her volleyball career than she was about not being able to do the jive with Maks.)

Another development that deserves attention is the emergence of Warren Sapp as a serious contender. The man is three hundred pounds. Three hundred, my friends. He kills quarterbacks for a living and yet the man is light on his toes and a heck of a lot more graceful than kitchen grease-stain Rocco Despirito. Who knew? Carrie Ann has a weird, too-intense crush on him that is sort of embarrassing to watch.



One other aspect that needs comment: Cloris Leachman is still there. Whatchutalkinbout, Willis? My friends, is all of Florida voting for this woman to consistently keep her around? What's keeping Kim Kardashian and Rocco Despirito from killing themselves over the shame of being outsted before Cloris? I just don't know what it all means, my friends.