If they made your life into a movie. . .

I finished teaching for the day (for the week!) about twenty minutes ago and so I spent a few aimless moments looking at "This Week In Celebrity Sightings" on MSNBC. There were a bunch of Matt Damon and other cast members as they were hawking The Bourne Ultimatum. (What was the ultimatum exactly? "Tell me my true identity or I'll make you watch hand-held footage for an hour and a half?")

Anyway, there were pictures of Julia Stiles and it occurred to me that she reminds me of Cassie Mosier, my best friend's wife. There's physical resemblance in their cheekbones and mouths but there's also a calmness and a wisdom that seem similar to me. Cassie is one of my favorite people in the world and I enjoy Julia Stiles in everything I've seen her in. (Admittedly, I've avoided turd-fests like the remake of The Omen and Down to You but even when I see substandard fare like Save the Last Dance, I still like her.)

So this made me think of a game I play in my classes at Wayne. I imagine who would be cast if they made a movie of the class I'm in. I pick out different actors for different people and just feel generally satisfied with myself for being so secretly smart and clever. There's a girl in my Comp class this semester who could easily be played by Selma Blair. My friend Mike would be portrayed by a young Pruitt Taylor Vince. I had an entire ensemble assembled in my head for my first grad class last year. It was interesting how everyone sort of lent themselves to a particular "type."

So who would be cast in the movie of my life? I don't have people for everyone but here are a few --

Suzanne: A younger Jodie Foster. Same razor sharp cheekbones, same inherent intelligence.
Rowland (my boss): Tavis Smiley. The physical resemblance is weird.
Indira (coworker): Natalie Portman. A very tan Natalie Portman.
Bishop Medley (Bishop): An older Matthew Fox.
Michelle Payne (former professor, mentor): Amanda Peet.
Martin Corless-Smith (former professor, mentor): A blonde Hugh Grant with a strong sense of existential angst.
Shauna (sister-in-law): Meg Ryan before the duck-face plastic surgery.

I know there are more but it's one of those things where, as soon as you want the information, it crawls back into some forgotten recess of your brain and refuses to come out.

There's the obvious question of who would I cast as myself and I think the only satisfying answer is that I'd have to take Todd Haynes' approach with his new Bob Dylan movie and cast different actors for different parts of my life. During my junior high years, for instance, I would be played by Napoleon Dynamite. Not Jon Heder, but Napoleon Dynamite. Early college would have to be Christian Slater's character from Heathers only less cool and balanced. With as old and fat as I feel these days, my current self would have to be played by, like, Jim Belushi or someone like that.

Who would play you?