They're Playing "Our" Song

The idea of having "our" song has always been simultaneously appealing and repellent to me. (There's a word for that sensation --does anyone know what it is?) On the one hand, it's like claiming a badge of membership or hanging a sign that says, "Members only." Couples establish themselves as a unified entity by creating things that are unique to them -- experiences and memories, favorites and mutual dislikes, treasured material objects, shared rituals, goals, etc. By choosing a song that somehow represents something important about them as a couple, they further solidify their joint identity. Having "our" song establishes that there's an "our," an "us."

On the other hand, that kind of members-only mentality can be really off-putting. If there is an "us" there must be a "them." It's especially obnoxious if the couple chooses some really terrible, tacky, saccharine tune that gets overplayed on the radio to the point of America's collective ears bleeding at the sound.

Now that I think about it, maybe it's not the exclusionary nature of "our" song that bugs me at all-- maybe it's just people's bad taste. It occurs to me that I like it when people pick cool tunes to be their "ours."

For instance, my in-laws, the Griswolds, have an "our" song: "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds. It's this tender, weird love song that celebrates how lucky people are to find each other despite the mistakes they make and despite the changing fortunes of life. It's a great song but part of what makes it great is that not many people have heard it and it isn't a top 40 Casey Kasem hit.

Also, Tony and Cassie (both of whom I've mentioned before), while not locked into one "our" song, got engaged to the tune of Sting's "When We Dance." It's another classy, intelligent, beautiful song that didn't get dragged through the mud of mass popularity.

So maybe I'm the one being exclusionary here. Maybe I'm just a music snob who doesn't have enough tolerance for people who dance to Disney cartoon theme songs at their weddings ("Beauty and the Beast," "A Whole New World") or anthemic power ballads by Bryan Adams. Exclusionary or not, I have to admit certain songs from the late 80's and early 90's (Bryan Adams included) give me intestinal cramps simply because they were someone's "our" song in high school.

What I'm wondering about now is, after high school/college/courtship, do people continue to have songs like that? Do married, adult couples with children continue to have "our" song? If so, is it anything other than a nostalgic memento of the past? Do people get new songs? Who out there (thousands and thousands of you reading this blog at this very moment) has an "our" song? What is it? Why is it "yours?"

(If you did dance to a Disney theme song or anything by Bryan Adams at your wedding, I apologize.)