We Give What We've Got

In the ten days I was in Idaho, my sister-in-law Melanie made chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, fudge, cake, and freezer jam, and she sent us down the road with a box of Chocodiles, my favorite Hostess confection. My mom and I both commented on how Mel is sort of a sorceress of chocolate and other sweet things. She disappears into the kitchen for about three minutes and then comes out with a pan full of brownies or something. She's either a magician or a ninja of sugar. Not sure which.

Melanie herself jokes about being a chocolate/sweets addict. I remember when she was pregnant with her first kid, she wasn't gaining enough weight and the doctor essentially prescribed chocolate milkshakes. Needless to say, Melanie was thrilled. That was a pregnancy diet she could get behind.

Anyway, I was thinking of how generous Melanie is with her literally sweet skills and I thought about the kinds of gifts people give. I'm not talking about birthday or Christmas gifts necessarily - more like the things we impart to one another, the little generosities we extend to people we like and care about. It seems to me that we give what we've got.

What I mean is, Melanie loves chocolate and is good at whipping it up in various ways. So when she cares about someone, she gives them chocolate.

The thing that I've got is words and language so, almost invariably, when I like someone, I write something for them or about them or I give them something I've written in the past. It's no coincidence that I created a chapbook of poetry for Suzanne during our courtship (Blood and Bone) and also for our first anniversary (Morning, Noon, and Night.) It's what I've got to give, you know?

Among many other skills, one thing Suzanne has in spades is the ability to organize and decorate a living space. I get frustrated sometimes when she wants a picture hung on the wall just so or when I get in trouble for not straightening the curtains on the doorwall in the right way, but I also realize that those small details are part of the gift she regularly gives to her family.

My brother, Jason, wrote songs for his girlfriends and invited them to hear him play music.

My dad hauled a whole car engine halfway across the country along with his own engine hoist so he could replace (yeah, you read that right) the motor in my 96 Ford Escort when it broke down. He's helped me build a fence, cover floors, replace fixtures, change brake pads, change oil, lay sod, and even got our refrigerator door to close all the way. My dad can fix things and the gift he gives to everyone he knows (primarily his dumb, mechanically dis-inclined kids) is making their stuff work properly.

My mom loves to serve other people. It gives her genuine satisfaction to help someone with something, anything. She's driven three hours just to watch our kids so we could go to a concert. She helped me assemble over a three hundred poetry chapbooks and a hundred slipcovers. She takes food to people who need it. She gives gifts of scrapbooking supplies to people who like to do it. She enjoys helping other people do the things they like or need to do.

My mother-in-law, Linda, will cook the pants off almost anyone you know and part of the joy of Day family get-togethers is whatever dish Linda has whipped up. It's always good and usually the best thing on the table. She did it professionally for a while, running a catering business with a friend but now she's strictly freelance. After raising six kids and a husband who is famous for mixing pork and beans and Spaghettios when left to his own cooking devices, I think she probably enjoys eating out more than cooking, but when she does unleash her skills, your tastebuds should be prepared for what's coming.

So anyway, it was just a thought: we give what we love, we give what we have. Discuss!



(Ah luves me some Choc-o-diles!)